I'M SORRY...T.T

Today was sport day jilid ke-??. but i...
today early in the morning, woke up for attend the stupid sport day....but i almost late, because overslept...then i rushed on and on...just don't want to be late...
but do you know what time they started??? god i really want to hit them...said tujuh suku, mean 7.15.a.m, but started on 8.30a.m...haiz, why the school also not dicipline?? god...xin yi and i also laugh at our headmaster about something gatal...^^
well, anyway, i still feel happy to be with my friend...they are so welcoming...i loved them so much...and we all always talk about something stupid...they are so funny...
and we meet sarah khor!!!! god!!! i pretend to not to see her, but she saw me...and i never greet her...so she want to find something wrong from me...and she finally found it...she pulled my hair and said:'' wah, your hair so nice hor..." i knew she's mocking me...then i just faced my face over another side. then all of my friend laughed at me, and told me how to shut back her...hahhhaa...sometimes, they are too offensive...
and i never saw his apperance...i'd searched every corner of the school, but i just couldn't find him....i saw his gang, but he was not there...whether he was not coming or playing hide-and -seek with me, i just want to know the answer...''where are you''??...i really want to meet him...because i missed you...i loved you...i thought today was the last chance for both of us to stay together, but you are the one who not coming...one more time, you'd made me feel dissapointed you're hurting me right now...god...what's going on??? can i know the answer?? why?? i'd asked the god for so many times, and even pray....but i just can't get the answer...whether our affinity was too low, or we just couldn't be together....or i'm too stupid for waiting your answer???...........
well, the activites began to start...we're so decided to see the activities...firstly, is only the pembarisan and the band show...i only took a glimpse, because i'd no mood about it...i'm thinking something that couldn't made a solution in my mind... but my lovely friend told me that's no need to think about it..just do it...but i'm not dare to face him...and i just listen some song on my media phone, sent some more items to my phone from xin yi's phone...meanwhile, i'm just thinking the answer whether i should tell him or not....i couldn't do the finally decision....i'd asked my friend's opinion, since afiqah was not there....i really don't know what shall i do...xin yi tried to help me, but i told her don't play the fire...and finally i didn't tell him before he go for his competion...
after we knew our funny friend---yi yin got the first place dalam acara larian 400m, ( don't know right or not ) then three of us went for a walk, after we come back is already boys turn...and is already last round...and i saw him running so hard...at the last step, he couldn't reached it...i thought he can get the first place...but i knew he already do his best...i 'd no doubt about it...i trust him...he was the best athele...when i knew, i just can said a word...GOD...yeah, that's right, i've nothing to said...i'm sorry...
then i don't have any mood to go through the activities...all of my friends also went for yum cha...left me alone...then a quickly called my bro to go home...while i'm waiting my mum and my bro, i want to find him, but he was not at the camp...i couldn't find him...suddenly i feel that i'm so failure...T.T
headed to my cosy house...but actually not cosy at all...i've a great bloody cruel violence war with my families...i've think about it for so long time...i'm so regret to my attitude...i really felt sorry to him....i've think about it for 1 hour....saya dah penat ni...i'm sorry...
then i go and washed my shoes, i washed for so long time, because i do not have any energy to scrub on...i;m absobutely tried....
after washed my shoes, i took my lunch...the same feeling, the same mood, all the same...i don't have any appetite to eat anymore...even today my mum bought some food....
then i go and searched some details about the history folio, but i only got some picture...when i searching some important point, suddenly no electricity...give them zadao liao...then i went to my aunt house, who stayed beside me...play with his son....but he cried cried cried, made me feel more semak...frustrated...stress...before that i ate a nice sweet mango puding...but it does not work out, i thought it can made me feel more happy, after i ate all of this...still remained the same....i really don't know why....what i'm thinking just a stuff, but i can't get i down....zero...no answer on my mind...no more mood right now...T.T
recently really stress...i've too many relationship and stupid junk stuff have to solve...all of this had encho inside my head...i really don't know what shall i do...i searching a right way to escape from it, but i knew i've to faced it eventually... i knew it was a hardship, but we've to go through every single lives....in every single person...just do it??? can i??? i doubt about it...i don't think so i can solve i by myself...i needed somenoe help...no matte who is it, i just needed thier helping hands...
the first stuff is my stupid result...i'm stupid enough to stay at class 3 cemerlang...they are too pro to be compared, especially jessie...no one can compared with her...she was a great professional...her lives would be very successful in her future...
the second one is my friendship...recently i'd fought with my best friend---afiqah...i knew she was angry me...and i already do what can i do...i already said sorry to her and apologise sincerely to her...but she never replied my message after i told her the truth...and never taalk to me after this...jessie and xin yi advised me not to worried, because you already said sorry...but i truly knew her attitude...i was just afraid that she'll not forgive me forever...then i'd live in a dark, non-colour, no laughter, no sounded world...then i'd to be alone all by myself along the journey to the end of my life....god...please let me be freind with her again...i really unwilling to live in this kind of platnet...:( no mood....
the third one is him...god...i really have to face this stuff on monday....then i'd see what's going on...and i hoped we've no other relationship between us anymore...i'll explain everythings to you...and please...do not treat me good...i'm worthless you treat me good...i'm so sorry...
the last....is the one the stuffest...
i'm suffering, but he doesn't know at all...
i'm waiting for him, but he doesn't realised at all...
i'm......
i really need some more time in this case...i need...i really need...
i'd never go, untill i heard you said ''i do''
the things will never go wrong, the feeling is so strong....
i hopefully you'll got me at the dream....
god....